If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
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yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
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And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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