You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
