I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
