I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
