If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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