I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
