I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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