Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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