I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize