fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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