I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
