After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
