This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
