i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
