just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
