u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
