I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
