Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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