I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Randomize
