I swear god or herbie drove my car home
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
this will be a night to untag.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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