Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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