Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
