you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
