You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
