halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
