Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
