I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
