dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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