he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
