I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
