AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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