but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
