I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
