Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
