listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
