I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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