I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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