The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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