i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Let the clothes fall where they may.
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