Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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