You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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