I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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