Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize