So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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