I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
