K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
