Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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