Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
