every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
