I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
