theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
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New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
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All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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