I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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