My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
