My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
