I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
She bit a glass in half.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
