Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
