the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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