We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
it's great music for shaving your balls
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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