i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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