The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I fill condoms, not promises.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
