how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
