evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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