Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
