And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
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