Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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