No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
