i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
