so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
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He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
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We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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