She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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