I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Randomize
