Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
