Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
