Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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