On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
