All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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