What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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