you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
where are my eyebrows?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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