Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
