are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
